Artie Lange on Donnie Deutsch

In case you missed it, here is Artie Lange's pathetic appearance on the Donnie Deutsch show.

Artie dropped by Lifebeat

Due to Artie's use of the word fag and his homophobic rants, he has been dropped by Lifebeat. Lifebeat has also decided that the benefits from the Artie Lange cupcake sold at Crumbs Bakery will no longer benefit AIDS/HIV. Artie's self-destructive ways have bit him in the ass once again.

For Artie and all the fans his cupcake, Crumbs will still be selling the Artie Lange cupcake.

Breaking News "Sirius-XM Merger"

It has just been announced that the U.S. Department of Justice has approved the purchase of XM Satellite Radio by Sirius Satellite Radio.
After almost 13 months, the Justice Department has finally admitted that combining the two satellite radio companies would not harm consumers.
The deal must still be approved by the Federal Communications Commission, which is expected to follow the Justice Department's lead.
Stay tuned to the Howard Stern Show tomorrow for an update by Howard Stern.
This should be a long topic of discussion amongst Howard, Artie Lange, Robin and Fred.
Click here to read the full story.

Hey Retard!

Howard asked everyone in the studio this morning, "Gun to your head, who would you rather be... Gary the Retard or Eric the Midget?'
Robin and Artie Lange both answered Gary because he's too retarded to know the difference.
Fred answered Eric because the midget at least had some intellect.
And after Howard pondered his decision, he went with Gary the Retard because he couldn't be trapped in Eric the Midget's body.

Miss Howard TV April - Brianna Frost

Upon introducing Brianna Frost as the new Miss Howard TV for April, in typical Artie Lange fashion, Artie said "that's the hottest chick we've ever had up here." Ralph was on the phone and chimed in that Artie always says that and Artie responded by saying "Fuck you Ralph, get down here." Brianna admitted to Howard that she was half-black but also told Artie she would tell his mother that she was Sicilian. Brianna also admitted to never experiencing an orgasm and this lead Howard to ask if she would try the Sibian. Brianna agreed to ride the Sibian put jumped off before she could finish. Brianna also told Howard that her breasts were real and even allowed Artie to feel them to see if she was telling the truth. Artie confirmed her tits were real and added "they're the nicest tits ever."
Artie, lose some weight. You look like you're about to eat this girl!

Artie consumes 6000 calories before noon

Artie started to knod out during Robin's news and it immediately turned into an Artie Lange is FAT bit. Ralph even called in to add his two cents. Artie told a story about eating Wendy's yesterday while waiting for his friend, than later on had a meatball parm hero and two slices of pizza. This morning, Artie at 3 Crumbs cupcakes, 4 cans of soda, and a turkey sandwich. Artie thinks that the turkey is what's making him tired. Everyone else thinks its the 6000 calories he's consumed before 10:30am. Gary than wheeled a reclining chair into the studio for Artie to lay down and go to sleep in. At first Artie didn't think it was comfortable, than he agreed it was a great chair. After giving Artie a pillow, headphones and a mic, Robin continued to do the news. Howard Stern gave Artie the go ahead to fall asleep, but Artie said that he's a professional. Artie admitted that he has never been this comfortable at work.
However, within minutes, Artie was passed out and snoring!

Whore Dollar Value

While talking about how much Elliott Spitzer spent on prostitutes, Richard Christy came into the studio to ask Artie Lange how much he spent on whores in his life. Howard reminded Artie to include the tunnel buddies but Artie said that he only spent $30 bucks at the tunnel. At first Artie said about $100 grand than back tracked and said between $50 and $60 grand. He added that dollar value spanned a period of twenty years. He also admitted that he has spent more than that amount on gambling and drugs.

Artie finished by saying "you can't let a whore live!"

Artie misses big premiere

Steve Langford announced during a Howard 100 News Brief that Artie missed the premiere of Howard Stern's Private Parts movie back in March of 1997 because he was in rehab. Artie admitted to Steve that his mother called him while at the Honesty House rehab crying that her son couldn't attend his idol's big movie premiere. Steve also gave himself a little plug by telling Howard that he wrote Pat Coopers monologue for his red carpet appearance.
11 years later, Artie is still battling addiction.
"Artie Lange should go to rehab, he says No No No!"

Henry Hill needs help

Goodfella Henry Hill was in the studio this morning with his girlfriend Lisa to talk about point-shaving, his double hernia, his drinking problem and his artwork. Henry started off the interview by begging Howard for a drink so that he wouldn't get the DT's. Every time Henry started to laugh, he coughed like he was about to die. Artie Lange did his Henry Hill impression a few times which was always funny. When Henry left, the crew talked about his bulging hernia and Howard gagged at the playback of Henry's cough and said that he wanted to quit.

Check out eBay to purchase this picture and others from the Henry Hill 1st Grade Finger-Painting Collection.

Amy Fisher walks out of Howard Stern show

Amy Fisher who is famous for shooting Mary Jo Buttafuoco in the face was in the studio today to promote her new porno AMY FISHER CAUGHT ON TAPE. Amy was so nervous when she walked into the studio that Howard seemed to be nervous about interviewing her. He seemed to ask her lightweight questions about her past and focused more on the porn, while Fred played sound bites of her husband saying "I love ya pussy." Amy wouldn't tell Howard how much she made on the video as well. Since Amy wouldn't answer any of Howard's questions, Howard decided to take phone calls and the first caller was Mary and Joey Buttafuoco's daughter Jessica. Again, Amy said that she didn't want to take calls either and after Jessica said that she didn't want Amy to shoot her mother in the face, Amy got up and walked out of the studio.
The crew talked about it for a while and Amy's husband called in a little later and the discussion continued. The story even made it onto newsday.com shortly after she walked out.
I personally don't like Amy Fisher because of what she did, and would rather not hear her on the show, but it is entertaining to hear what a train wreck her life has become.

Friendly wagers

After a caller won $500 playing the Bigfoot game, Howard bet Artie $50 that Bigfoot didn't know the first letter of a word. Artie lost and had to pay Howard the $50. Artie than said he had the fever and wanted to bet Howard $1000 as well as get some blow. Howard agreed that he would bet another $50 and this time Howard was wrong and had to give Artie back his $50. Howard went on to say that he felt bad that he took Artie's money and was glad that he gave back the money.

Artie weighs in

In a devastating loss to Fred in a game of Win Freds Money, Artie had to step on the scale. After getting only 1 question correct to Fred's 4 correct answers, Artie weighed in at 295. Everyone was very impressed that Artie was under 300, especially Artie, who said "here comes the pussy." Artie went on to say that his agent recommended that he lose some weight before the trip to Iraq.

I don't think he meant 5 pounds!

Is Jason fatter than Artie?

Robin thinks that Jason Kaplan is fatter than Artie Lange now. She said that he looks like he is wearing a NY Yankees jersey that looks like a tent. Artie said that his jersey looks like the tarp that covers the field for a rain delay. Howard made Jason get on the scale and he weighed in at 279. Before the Battle of the Blobs, Jason weighed 282, and felt good that he still has 3 pounds to go before he has gained all his weight back. Jason told Howard that he plans to cancel his gym membership because he needs to save the $100 a month for his wedding. Artie brought up their trip to Amsterdam and said that they were going to be eating a lot while on their vacation. Artie said that they were going to get the munchies from being so high and also said that he plans on taking all the guys out for a huge dinner while they're there.

I really think Artie is going to die in Amsterdam.
The question is, will he O.D. on food or heroin?